For Claire

My dear friend Claire writes like a dream; not surprisingly, as she can carry on the most literate of conversations on life, love, and faith. One of her favorite subjects is the state of being single - also a subject of our numerous discussions over the years. Due to the "toxicity" of her schedule as a medical resident (newly graduated) and my frequent travels, we haven't had a chance to meet up for the coffee-and-conversation date we've been eternally planning, but I thought of Claire as I read this book over Good Friday (not exactly prescribed Holy Week reading!). The protagonists of How To Be Single: A Novel (Liz Tuccillo, 2008) are all single American women a little bit older than Clairebear (my age, for that matter), but their experiences are perhaps universal. The premise of the book, in fact, is just that: the narrator travels the world to seek out whether single women elsewhere have "got it figured out" (as far as she can tell, they haven't). Anyway, there are several passages that stand out, even out of the story's context, and I thought I'd share some of them here. For you, Claire, until we meet for that coffee and I can give you the book itself.

"The love of her life, the love of her life. As Alice took a shower, she realized it came down once again to one thing: What did she believe in? In other words, What kind of life did she want to live? Did she really think the love of her life was out there? Did she think it was wise to go back out into the wilds of being single just in the hope of finding him? What was she holding out for? As she toweled herself off, she realized that she didn't want to be the girl who refused to settle. She didn't want to be the girl who believed that life is short and it's better to be single and looking for the 'love of your life' than to just give up and settle. She didn't want to be that girl. She thought that girl was stupid. Naive. Alice liked being practical; she was a lawyer, so she preferred to be realistic. Waiting and searching for the love of your life was exhausting. It might even be delusional. Again, yes, she knew that some people win the love lottery and get to fall in love with someone who is also mad about them, and their life together is harmonious and filled with love. But she didn't want to be the girl who stubbornly held out for what might never come.

She sat back down on her bed, wrapped in a little towel, and she began to cry. She started sobbing, her arms wrapping around her legs as she put her head on her knees and rocked and wept.

She realized she was that girl.

That girl who, at thirty-eight, couldn't give up the dream that she would meet a man who made her heart soar and that they would share a life together. She cried knowing it meant that she had to worry about whether she was ever going to start a family, that she would be thrust back into a world where nothing was guaranteed and all she really had was hope. She knew it meant that she would be single again."

Here's to not settling, Clairebear. :-)