Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Difference Between Men and Women

I'm pretty blessed to have as friends a variety of the most amazing human beings who have ever walked the planet. In fact, at one point a couple of years ago, I even wondered, what did a loser like myself do to deserve friends like this? Turns out I wasn't such a loser after all. :-) Like attracts like, amazing attracts fantabulous, so I'm no longer in the dark about it. Ha ha!

But anyway. I've been looking at my relationships with these wonderful friends of mine, and distinguishing the dynamics that exist as regards my male buddies, as opposed to my female ones. Doing my personal version of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, so to speak. I shall do a whole entry on my gay friends (and they are many), but I may make reference to them as well as I go along (or not).

Women are Cheerleaders, Men are Naysayers. And it's no coincidence that my best guy friend's name is "Ney" (not just Ney but Ney!Ney!) My women friends egg me on, especially in relationships - some even see meaning and possibility where there is none. Not particularly helpful, especially in the realm of "experience" vs. "interpretation" - but I find it a uniquely female trait. Women will get kilig with you, and I've even had some female friends CREATE the experience of kilig FOR me: "Uuuuy why did he ask you this-and-that?" or "You're so bagay!" While all the time I'm going, duh? What happened? Sometimes I miss the ball that's coming straight at me - or even, the imaginary ball.

Men, on the other hand, will take on being devil's advocate, to the point of crushing every hope and dream and interpretation one harbors. I don't know if it's the challenge of it, but they will argue the other side of the coin, come hell or highwater. They will deconstruct everything that happened into just that - it doesn't mean anything until the guy in question actually declares it out loud and/or swears on a stack of Bibles. Not only that, even if he's done so, men will find something wrong about the other man in question, and ultimately say, as opposed to the women's "He's so great/perfect for you!!!," that "There's something wrong with him." For years, I've received a gamut of male comrade feedback that ranged from "He's not right/good enough for you," to "Bad idea," "He looks like so-and-so (insert negative caricature)," "I think he's gay,", "I don't like him." Take that simultaneously with women friends' rah-rah and you got a schizo in the making.

Women will laugh and cry with you, Men want to make it all better. The wonderful thing about girl friends is that they will listen, commiserate, be happy/pissed/sad with you, no questions asked.

Men will try to FIX whatever they think is going wrong, just so you don't shed another tear. The thing is, sometimes you just need a shoulder, not a handyman. I've given a few male friends lessons in saying "ah huh," "is that so," and "I'm sorry to hear about that" to the women in their life - but they've never quite managed to resist the urge. They just gotta be Mister Fix-It...and consequently have to bear the ire of whatever female is unburdening on them.

Women talk feelings and experience, Men talk shop. I've never been the kind of girl who goes into the restroom with a gaggle of other females and emerges an hour later. I go the bathroom to powder my nose or go pee, and I don't need an entourage or more than five minutes to accomplish that. I can talk to you about our dates or whatever else ails me, emotionally, much, much later. But if we're going out with our guys, I just wanna talk...with you and with them. Men don't feel the need to congregate in the confines of the little boys' room to dwell on whether their dates like them or not - I don't think they even dwell on that issue at all, in public. I've found myself, more than once, left with all the men - talking shop - while the women disappeared into the black hole of the loo; I've had to retrieve them more than a couple of times.

Women don't go out for a couple of beers, Men do. Most women, that is. Sometimes I just want to toss back a couple and have a heartfelt conversation over copious amounts of alcohol - but many of my women friends want coffee and cheesecake...neither of which are on my list of favorite things (caffeine and carbs, ugh!). Thank goodness my best female friend appreciates the soothing properties of alcohol, and indulges with me on many occasions. So does my best male friend - and a whole range of other guy friends who don't think anything of having several brewskies to end the night. I don't have too many girl friends who will do that with me, unfortunately.

Thus, the best evenings for me are with my two best friends - one male, one female - over a bottle of wine each, balancing each other's quirks out by imbibing sufficient amounts of booze, crying on each other's shoulders, and saying what's there without fear or favor. Sometimes the male tries to fix it and the females (myself included) are a little too accomodating, but everything all works out in the end.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Conversations with John

Had a nice congratulations-for-passing-the-NY-Bar lunch with my good friend and business partner John today. I've written about him briefly before; he's the kind of guy who would have been my favorite guy classmate/seatmate/confidant in elementary school, except that he was my favorite guy classmate/seatmate/confidant in the Landmark Advanced Course (which, come to think of it, was almost like elementary school, without the childhood drama). Add relationship guru to the mix, and that's John.

I only get to see him infrequently, but each time, our breakfast/lunch conversation progresses from sometime business matters, his work, and Landmark kwento, to relationship - particularly, the state of mine. Other than my best guy friend Ney, who brings a whole different flavor to the "he said-she said" conversation (and who isn't quite the early morning/afternoon person), John brings the happily-married male perspective into clear daylight.

Yesterday, at another lunch with the girls, I firmly resolved to really put what I'm creating in a relationship at the foreground, instead of conveniently brushing it aside and concentrating on and doing well at the "easier" stuff (like career and everything else I'm up to). In the end, Miles said to just get off it (albeit in more graphic terms) and declare that I'm interested in this particular person I'm uncertain about (what's new? Sigh).

John has a different take on it. First off, he's met the guy and doesn't like him ("smart aleck" daw). Haha! That's what guy friends are for (well-meaning saboteurs! Women friends are so much more encouraging). Second, he says he's gotta be convinced that I'm reeeeeaaally in love with someone, as in with the whole experience of butterflies-in-stomach and pounding heart (as opposed to just being "interested"). Third - and he says he's pretty good at this - he offered me a prescription of what kind of guy I should be with.

According to him, the guy would be someone "on the court" - the basketball court, that is - rather than in his head; someone in action. So no uber self-analytical, introspective types. Someone who'd come back from his sport (or something - this is John's creation), and say, Come on, let's grab a beer (that part I like, hehe). And not always be asking to "analyze him" - except on occasion. Someone's who's smart without the aleck, is no pushover (I can push pretty hard), and who's ready to take on caring for me and the kids (that's good old forward-thinking John).

I kinda met someone like that not so long ago, but I let him "get away." John says for me to go get him back. In the meantime, he's on the lookout too, on my behalf, for a sport-playing, self-expressed, smart guy whom he can get along with. Wait a minute, I thought this was all about ME!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Wellness

I'm OFF IT! The sickness, that is. Funny how a single conversation can spell the whole difference.

The symptoms I'd written about earlier went the congested-respiratory-system way. There was a heaviness in my chest, a general experince of malaise and unwellness, just not being OK, physically.

But trust my committed listener to get to the root of all this - of why I wasn't at full power, of what I'd been suppressing (hence the congestion), of why I wasn't completely alive and well.

In the course of the conversation, natumbok namin. Without getting into the details, I had myself BACK in possibility, fully enlivened, ready to take on the infinite. Healed, and complete. Praise God for providing that. :-)

I'm fully charged and ready to go! The lights of possibility are on and at full wattage. MERALCO, send me the bill!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Sick Day

I'm declaring a sick day tomorrow. The symptoms of illness - which, I should say, I rarely encounter - are upon me: a weird stuck-ness in my throat, muscle aches, cotton in my head. It's still to early to determine which way they're going - be it a cough, colds, or the flu - but a dis-ease is brewing.

So what is up? I come from a family of physicians, so the logical explanation would be some virus attacking an immune system weakened by the weekend of strenuous travel and late nights. But I'm more interested in the ontological explanation of disease: mentally and metaphysically, physiology aside, what has my body experience this imbalance? After all, as Christ healed physical infirmities, he forgave the attendant sin and released the accompanying suffering. So there must be something there - we all probably know about how mental stress results in ulcers, insomnia, and skin disease.

One great resource is Louise Hay's Heal Your Body, which gets to the thought patterns that contribute to disease. I don't claim it to be Gospel truth, but it sure has hit the mark too often to ignore. So let's take a look at the possible sources of my impending illness/es:

Muscles (or the pains thereof) - Resistance to new experiences. Muscles represent our ability to move in life.

Colds - Too much going on at once. Mental confusion, disorder. Small hurts.

Coughs - A desire to bark at the world. "See me! Listen to me!"

Influenza - Response to mass negativity and beliefs. Fear. Belief in statistics.

Hmmm...at the moment, I can't pinpoint one or the other. But I guess I don't need to - I'll let the illness take its course, allow my body to heal itself, and continue to pray and distinguish what's with this gig. I'll be up and about on Thursday, but in the meantime I'm gonna crash and recuperate.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Whatta Weekend!

Woke up today (Monday) at 11 a.m. after an awesome weekend. The adventure began early Friday morning with assisting in the Landmark Advanced Course, and continued throughout the afternoon drive up to Quezon with Bakang the balikbayan. Johanna couldn't make it until the next morning, so we ventured off on our own, neither of us knowing exactly where Quezon was (see earlier post about that quandary).


But we made it all the way to Lucena with nary a hitch, spared of the traffic that the earlier rains had brought. The signs just pointed the way, and we were pleasantly surprised, in the middle of a good conversation, to find ourselves right in front of the hotel. Yay!

The evening and the next morning were all about wedding preparations; while we're on the topic, I have a few words to say about preparations in general. Although I enjoy some amount of spontaneity in my travels, I'm still very much a planner when it comes to the essentials: tickets booked ahead of time, a fully gassed-up car that works, everything I need to pack, a place to stay. Gone are the days of just taking off and sleeping in the car or on the concrete of an open-air basketball court. And so, I'd naturally booked Johanna and myself a room at the Queen Margarette (silent, superfluous "te"), as recommended by Bogart. Bakang and another friend who arrived later that evening had not. Neither did some other guests who got into town only to find that there were no other rooms available. So my point is, adequate preparation saves the day and eliminates unnecessary suffering. Fortunately for Bakang and friend, the absent Johanna's bed was big enough for the both of them, and the room eventually accomodated all four of us the next night, so the boys didn't have to sleep in the bathtub.

Saturday afternoon was Bogart and Neren's wedding - a wonderfully moving ceremony attended by family and friends, many of whom had flown in from far away or driven the distance. The reception was of rockstar calibre, not surprising for Boging the rockstar personified! It was an opportunity to connect with friends we'd met throughout the years of jamming at Bogart and Bakang's apartment (many of whom I didn't recognize immediately in the finery of their apparel - and vice versa: "Honey, is that you? It's Honey, right?! We had some beers together on such-and-such date," and so on) and to create new ones. And so the drinking and the conversation went on throughout the eve and the night of the wedding...with and without the happy couple. This particular group of friends of mine is extremely musically inclined, so Bakang's new Suzhou-purchased acoustic guitar was put to good use.







The day after was a little more relaxed, with a lot less alcohol involved. We took a trip further down Quezon to Lucban for a nice seafood lunch, and headed back home to Manila, blessed with minimal traffic and great weather. For me, the evening was far from over as I went straight back to the Advanced Course afterwards...and I finally called it a wrap at 4:00 a.m. on Monday, happy and fulfilled.

Whatta weekend indeed, and what an incredible week that lies ahead!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Whatta Week

I don't think I've ever been more present to such a roller coaster ride of a week than I have with this one. One day I was up, the next I was swooping down, and at one precarious point, I found myself suspended in mid-air, belly-up, hanging on for dear life.

But the good thing about roller coasters is that they're just so much fun - downward spirals and all (because you always know that the next turn is even more exciting) and, so far, I've always made it out alive. The key probably is in not getting off before the ride is over. That, perhaps, would definitely have spelled doom.

At one point, I couldn't wait for the week to be over and done with and to move forward. It was just all about getting to the end in sight. But now that it's here, I'm going back on for another turn. Whoopee!!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Praise God!

Praise God Almighty for possibility fulfilled...I just passed the New York Bar!

Thank you to family and friends for prayers, love, sourcing, and support. And thank you to Him from Whom all good things come :-)

Alleluia, praise the Lord! Wooohoooh, yehaa...

Monday, May 05, 2008

My Kingdom for a GPS

Or, should I say, how to navigate my kingdom without one.

We're driving down to Lucena, Quezon next weekend for a good friend's wedding, and I have no idea how to get there. Well, that's a little exaggerated - I have some idea, but I'd only been down that road once sometime in the early part of the century, en route to see the whale sharks in Donsol. Plus Larry was doing the driving (and plotting the route to Sorsogon for future butanding seekers), so I didn't pay very much attention. I would ask him, but my human GPS is in NYC as I write so that doesn't work out for me too well.

I know Northern Luzon like the back of my hand, but Southern Luzon is a mystery to me. Which is pretty much to my own detriment, as I found that part of the country lovely in its own way and had promised myself long ago to go further down than my usual Batangas/Mindoro destinations. I'm finally keeping that promise, but how the heck do you get to Quezon?

Just take the Sto. Tomas road, and head on to San Pablo, said my Dad. Uh ok, thanks, I think. I gotta figure out where those places are first. Unfortunately, the Philippines has yet to develop a decent map engine, and I've yet to know about a local car GPS that can actually direct you to your destination. For now, the best we can do is rely on sites like waypointsdotph, or, much to my delight, multimap. Or, just like the olden days, stop every few kilometers and ask the locals to point us in the right direction.

Speaking of locals - wait a minute! I've overlooked something (a realization that hit me just when I was typing this). Johanna, who's making the trip down with me, is from the Bicol region in Southern Luzon herself, even further south than Quezon...so what the heck was I worried about?! Talk about a useless exercise in unnecessary aggravation.

But I still want that car GPS. Grrrrghh.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Only In Da Pilipins


Muhuhaha...haylaveet!! (from Facebook's Funny Pinoy Signs)

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Movie Marathon

One of the perks of this created lifestyle is that I get to "earn my keep" in a lot less time than the usual workday/week, and do whatever else I choose for the remainder. Yesterday, after a short out-of-town meeting (and a very long wait in C-5 traffic), I motored home to do some serious movie marathoning.

My Dad had gotten me a new DVD player for Christmas last year, but it remained untouched until Wednesday afternoon when I ditched the old machine and set up the sleek, 1 1/2-inch, fresh-out-of-the-box one. I think the cinema craving was resurrected by an impulsive itch the other day to see Jet Li and Jacky Chan (two of my favorite actors) in The Forbidden Kingdom, an epic kung-fu movie (one of my favorite genres). Good thing Lex was up to an early afternoon viewing in SM North - perfect company, even if the popcorn/soda vendor slacked off and could not be found every time I slipped out to buy some munchies. Thank goodness for our Bread Talk baon.

Anyway, I began to go through my backlog of collected DVDs by putting on 638 Ways To Kill Castro. Love documentaries; this one was fascinating. You gotta root for the old socialist underdog!

That was followed by an old favorite - Akira Kurosawa's Dreams. I first saw it in 1990, with Ken and I think Emily, Doyet and Miles; and I remembered how much I loved it. Seeing it with new eyes 18 years later had me thinking that old Akira had a thing for aftermaths: environmental degradation, war, nuclear disaster... the film would have been, for the most part, better off titled "Nightmares."

I also saw another Kurosawa movie - Madadayo (1993). Loved that one too. It was also about aftermath, in a good way: the loving aftermath of a great teacher's career and the students who cared for him.

Next in line was the obligatory Hollywood movie - Little Miss Sunshine. I'd been meaning to see it for a while, but I always put it off...didn't regret seeing it. Had fun, it was cute. But I've not fancied American movies for a while, so it didn't quite rank up there.

I wanted to see A Day Without A Mexican again, but somehow the DVD didn't want to play, so I put on My Big Fat Independent Movie...and promptly fell asleep.

Today, I saw more Kurosawa - finally finished Ran (mad King Lear, shogun style), and am in the middle of Red Barber. I adore these flicks. Love Chinese kung-fu epics as much (got me a whole bunch of those tonight too). Catch y'all later.