Obstacles on the Road to Possibility

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." - Henry Ford

The building where my office is doesn't have elevator muzak, it has elevator musings. I appreciate the efforts of the building administrator or whoever thought up this idea - instead of staring impatiently at the lift's floor indicator, we get to reflect on whatever words of wisdom happen to be posted on the panel. Or at least I get to.

Today's message made me smile; old dorky me and my "machinery" just got through of a couple of restless days of self-negation. The conversations in my head, while distinguished as mere conversations, were unforgiving: "You can't pull that off!"; "You failed at this-and-that in the past, what makes you think you can do this now?"; "Too many people are counting on you - do you really want to be responsible?" etc., ad nauseam! What I got is that all the internal dialogues were putting in place imaginary limitations and obstacles based in the past; and with all that past in my future, there was absolutely no room for possibility. I'd taken my eyes off the "prize" - what I'm committed to - and instead had focused a little too much on what was in the way of fulfilling on that.

As always, it took a conversation with another human being to sort that out - and it wasn't even a conversation about myself and what I'm dealing with. My law partner Kenneth and I had a profound discussion about God, His Church, and religion, and while I was doing most of the "distinguishing," I got something myself out of what I said.

One of Ken's questions was how to tell whether it's God who's "talking," or if it's just him having conversations in his own head. I don't where I read or heard this, but I've subscribed to the view that words that do not comfort are not from God. Now this has nothing to do with desolation or consolation in the Ignatian sense, or with conscience as Christianity knows it. What I'm talking about are the internal dialogues that disempower; that negate, diminish, or have us be less of the creations we are in His eyes. Those very conversations that I just had over the last two days: conversations of im-possibility, of incapacity, of smallness. Of shirking from one's own God-given greatness and of turning away from possibility. Of not trusting in His infinite power and in the miraculous.

Yeah, I got that. And I'm "off it" :-). To infinity and beyond...bring on the miracles, I'm ready for 'em!

Complete

Yesterday, Sunday, was the final full day of the most recent Landmark Forum in Manila. Participants got THE conversation of the LF, the big kabaaaaammm! that ties it all together.

I had a little breakdown in my schedule early in the morning, so I missed Father Gregg Banaga's Mass for the participants and the assistants. I always love when either Father Gregg (President of Adamson University, and a former Introduction Leader of the LF) or Father Elis of the Salesian order celebrate Sunday Mass; they bring the distinctions of transformation so beautifully into the conversation of Christianity and the Church.

But anyway. As I'd missed the morning Mass, I went to the noon Mass at Sta. Maria della Strada instead, with the intention to have a revelation in my faith. And I did.

It wasn't earth-shaking or mind-blowing; rather, it came, as God often speaks, in a quiet whisper during consecration.

The Lord sees us with the eyes of a Creator who gave up His only Son so that our sins may be forgiven. He looks upon us not with revulsion or derision for our imperfections, but as the redeemed: unblemished, pristine, and as perfect as He created us in the beginning. For while we initially fell from grace, we, in His great plan, have all been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.

Strangely enough, we are frequently less forgiving of ourselves than the Great Forgiver Himself. We oftentimes beat ourselves up, emotionally and spiritually, without regard to how He took the fall for our transgressions, and how He suffered and died so that we wouldn't have to. We get stuck in a world of making ourselves (and others) wrong, worrying about how our lives are going, figuring out where we've lost our way, without regard for what His passion and cross were all about.

And here is what I got: He, once and for all, on that dark afternoon on Calvary, healed our brokenness. He got us back to where we were as He intended us: whole, perfect, and complete. And for what? So we could be HIM in the world, to continue what He began - to have OTHERS recognize who they are in His eyes. Whole, perfect, and complete.

Yet when we "indulge" in our brokenness, when we dwell too long in "what's wrong with me?" or "why are things not going the way they should?," or "what does He really want me to do?" we are useless to Him and His plan. Our brokenness, blessed as it may be, keeps us from being there for OTHERS - from being there for and being Him to the flock He has entrusted us to tend. Our world becomes all about us as our individual selves, and not about Him - He who is in our neighbors and in the world as He is in us. Ironically, it is, the giving of ourselves to others - the outpouring of who and what He has blessed us with - that has us have the experience of being COMPLETE.

I am reminded of my earthly hero, Mother Teresa, and her dark night of the soul, which lasted for decades. Despite her inner turmoil, she gave of herself to the world, without shutting herself out or retreating from what she was called to do. And the Lord's work was done through her, and continues to be done, many years after her death. She touched, healed, and comforted countless lives without succumbing to the temptation to withdraw, fix, or figure it out before moving along.

We are, indeed, jars of clay that contain a great Treasure. While we are easily broken, through every crack and shard the magnificence that is within shines through. Our job is not to patch up the pieces and keep the container intact. Our mission is to break ourselves open, completely, so that the glorious Presence within finally, and perfectly, is released to illuminate all the world with His Light.

Amen.

Walk, BC, Walk!

Good old BC has a plan, and I'm loving it already. I've always held that the streets of Baguio City were made for walking :-)

BAGUIO CITY – An energy-saving campaign designed to eventually rid this mountain resort city of cars and other motor vehicles for six days a week began Monday with a walk.

About 200 local officials, employees and residents walked to work as their share in efforts to conserve energy, cut fuel consumption, and protect the environment.

Mayor Reinaldo Bautista Jr., Rep. Mauricio Domogan, Laoag Archbishop Ernesto Salgado, Bishop Carlito Cenzon and other local government officials walked to Burnham Park alongside government workers, teachers and their children for a flag-raising ceremony that launched the "Walk Baguio Walk" energy-saving campaign.

Read the rest of the article here.

Happy and Gay

I was 16 when a friend of mine "outed" himself to me. I can still remember the moment clearly: we were on the couch of my living room, there was a party going on, and he said to me, very seriously and from out of the blue, "Honey, I'm gay."

My response? "Oh, okay."

That was a first of many "outings" of male friends throughout the years - some, like the first, came out of left field; others met a reaction of "well, duh." And some never felt the need to say anything at all - it was a foregone conclusion that we didn't feel the need to discuss.

But I should say that I'm somewhat of a clearing for open admissions of sexuality, albeit that majority have not out-ed themselves to the general public. I guess it's mainly because I'm not one to condemn sexual preference, and also because I always react with, "Oh, okay. One more San Mig Light?"

The revelations have ranged from up-front admissions (often with some initial trepidation on the "admittee's" part) to phone conversations to outright confrontation (always gentle and non-accusatory, of course). And to the last person, every single admittee has become (if they weren't already) a great friend. Some have even introduced me to other gay friends who became great friends without the uncomfortable question of "is he or is he not" hanging in the background; there were even a few times when I was the only female in a big gathering of homosexuals, many of whom were still in the closet - and they were free to BE.

Now, my mother likes to explain away my civil status with the hypothesis that most of the men I hang out with are interested in other men: "Ayan, bakla na naman kasi ang kasama mo!" Which, I should say, is not entirely true (and I also say this for the benefit of my heterosexual guy friends who may be inaccurately branded). I have an equal proportion of straight and gay buddies, but I guess it's the gay guys who create a lasting impression (especially around Mummy). And because they tend to "come out" of the woodwork around me.

Which is just fine with me. I've wept with them over their heartaches, pretty much like I've done with my female friends (or even more so - my girl friends are a hardy bunch). I've listened to their sexual shenanigans in great detail (very few straight men friends dare to even discuss that, much less female friends). I've heard all about their struggles with their preference, and even seen many of them through the suffering - the key to which being, a non-judgmental "oh, okay." And my relationship with gay men has even honed my finely tuned "gay-dar" - which, unfortunately, only seems to work on Asian men. I've had to consult the experts (i.e., my gay friends) on the disputable gender orientation of certain men of other races, particularly Caucasians. But still, I'm never ever surprised by revelations of sexual orientation. All together now: "Oh, okay."

My gay friends are wonderful human beings, with their own trials and triumphs. They are amazingly self-expressed around me, and fondly affectionate - I wouldn't allow many straight guy friends to be so outrightly cuddlesome. I would however, walk hand in hand with a gay friend in the mall without worrying about what anyone would think (and many of my gay friends are HOT male specimens, so that's added value, even though imaginary haha). Speaking of which, some of them have been mistaken by other people not in the know, as my current beaus...if only other people knew what I do! When we're whispering into each other's ear, it's not sweet nothings - we're just talking about the cute guy across the room and making bets as to which gender he prefers.

So anyway, here's to my gay friends, in the closet or out. I love you all, you're blessings in my life - but heck, let me find Mr. Right without your getting first dibs! Mwah :-)

P.S. I've also had some amount of female gay out-ings in my life, but not as much. At least they're not competition. :-)