The Day After

Liberation!

Ah, the ecstacy of completion. As soon as I darkened the Question 200 bubble with my No. 2 lead pencil, I was frickin' FREE! One part of me wanted to whoop it up and high-five-body-slam my seatmates, but the atmosphere was one of restraint. People were filing out and packing up their stuff all too quietly, sedately, seriously for my taste.

What a far cry from the last few minutes of the 1994 Bar, when you could hear all the different college bands striking up in the distance and you couldn't wait to rush out into the congratulatory wave of well-wishers. The Polytechnic University, the site of the '94 exam, leads out into a narrow street - and that's where the throngs of bar supporters parked themselves at. I was intoxicated even before I reached the UP station in the middle of the road: the Silliman people (I'd competed earlier that year in a debate at their school) accosted me with several shots of tequila as I made my way past. More drinking to come thereafter (I think we went for lots of beers and pizza and a loud band at Chatterbox), and the next succeeding days. Good times!

Fast forward to post-NY Bar 2008. Good thing that my sis Lea and I tested at the same location; we celebrated with a big dinner at Korea Town, then headed back home for a quiet evening. No tequila for me, just several well-deserved beers (yum); and no raucous well-wishers, just several phone calls, local and overseas, from my support network of family and friends. And then sleep, wonderful, peaceful, uneventful sleep!

Today I had more sleep (a little nap after waking up, he he), and then set off to explore the nooks and crannies of the Big Apple. I walked up and down West Broadway to buy stuff at a few specialty food stores (bagels, boursin, and brie! Tarush...), bought a tonload of (non-law related!!) books at Strand, did some midtown pasalubong shopping, got me some Chinese takeout, lugged everything back home on the subway...and now I'm enjoying the fruits of my "labor." "Enjoy" is the operative term: now that the Bar is over and done with and I don't have to think about another legal doctrine, element, or principle, I can actually begin to enjoy New York City, and the US, for that matter. Bar none, it's about time!

The Night Before

It's the “night before” - take two.

Almost 14 years ago, I swore I'd never, ever take the Bar Exam again, even if it meant that I didn't get to be a lawyer at all. Thankfully, I made it the first time around, and I joyfully basked in the thought that I would never have to undergo that experience ever again.

Fast forward to the 21st century, and guess what – not only am I going through the Bar experience again, I'm actually doing it out of my own volition. Knowingly, willingly, voluntarily (recklessly?). In a whole new jurisdiction where legal animals such as the Rule Against Perpetuities and Judgments Notwithstanding the Verdict prey on unwitting innocents. Eek.

But finally, after almost five months of wrapping my brain around the nuances of U.S. common law and the New York distinctions, it's the night before.

In 1994, the night before was a sweltering, rain-drenched evening in September, spent holed up in the sorority “shelter” (i.e., a seedy Manila motel near the exam site) with my roommate May Flores, a dear sorority sister with whom I shared the tensions and trepidations of the evening as we gazed up at the large ceiling mirror above the bed (I did say “seedy motel,” didn't I?). Tonight, it's a brisk but comfortable evening in Manhattan; I've just gotten home after a Chinese dinner with my Nu Yawk-er friend Carlo, and I'm happily “holed up” in the U.P. Law Portia Sorority's unofficial NY Bar shelter (i.e., a gorgeous apartment on the Upper West Side) with the apartment's resident and another dear sorority sister, Leah Olores. Tensions and trepidations? Not so much. I'm treating myself to a pre-Bar beer, and remembering how another favorite sis, Bembem dela Torre, and I would “de-tox” every weekend during the 1994 review over sisig, San Mig Light, and loads of great conversation at Trellis.

In 1994, I spent the pre-Bar day going to Mass, stressing a little too much, and not being able to sleep a wink. Tonight, after having heard Mass yesterday at St. Patrick's and dropping by another church today, I staked out the exam venue, had a huge lunch, and went shopping in mid-town Manhattan before meeting up with Carlo on Wall Street. I refuse to stress (“It is what it is”), and I fully intend to sleep through the night. Pass me another beer, please.

In 1994, all I could think about was how happy I'd be after the Philippine Bar was over and done with, and of all the stuff I'd be free to do right after. Tonight...ditto.

Let's get it on!

Andok-trinated

Just a short note to re-activate this blog - I know I've been less than assiduous in writing about the goings-on in these here parts. I promise to post more starting tomorrow; goodness knows I've got enough photos and a ton of non sequiturs to unload on this space, just haven't gotten around to doing it.

One thought I have tonight (or should I say, this very early morning) is about two of the loveliest words in the Filipino language. Lechon. Manok.

Yum.

I never thought that this common-place alternative to a fast-food take out would be the stuff of my gustatory longings. O, for an Andok's or Baliwag's or Sr. Pedro around the corner! With generous lashings of Mang Tomas spiked with sili and a big pile of achara, plus steaming hot kanin...hay. I also must admit that my favorite lechon manok side is... lechong liempo!!! Cholesterol heaven!!

OK sure, the local Jewel has those rotisserie chicken deals (a little overpriced for my taste, when I think of the $3 price tags back home), but it's not quite the same. I need the real McCoy, and darned if I don't take on the challenge while I'm here (especially since I discovered this lovely Asian grocery that carries all the familiar stuff, like Mang Tomas, Jufran, and yesss tanglad). After all, since I've been here, I've so far demystified my favorite comfort food, Luk Yuen halo-halo congee, Thai crispy catfish salad (with a twist), chicken curry in the absence of gata or yogurt, Yang Chow fried rice (hot dang, I've got it down to a T), Tom Cruise's carbonara, moussaka.... well, now you know what I've been doing when not studying.

So this short note didn't turn out to be so brief after all... but at least I got some sort of release. Will defrost the manok tonight, and post the 411 on the Andok-trination asap!

Random Rah-rah

It's blizzarding outside! Now I know how it's like to be my favorite Dairy Queen dessert. Minus the chocolate mallows, heh heh.

I don't have a unified thought for this entry, but might as well work out the rusty writing edges.

L is my IL buddy!! Yahoo!! He's oh-my-%$#@!*&'ngly handsome and awesomely ripped, with a budding movie/TV career. What more could a girl dream of? Truth to tell, he's the stuff of my nightmares. You can't sneak anything past him - "hoy kumakain ka na naman! (sabay hingi)." Nevertheless, I won't let you down, Junior. Those tabloid columnists won't have anything on you (or me, vicariously).

Speaking of dreams, I had one last night about "HoneyStar." Aww, Meyan, wish you were here for me to share it with. Mwaha!

I've finally gotten my Rule Against Perpetuities straight. I think. P%$#@#@!!&%&... and I thought I conquered it with reserva troncal back in '94.

Mareng Day - I love you, I'm thinking about you, and I'm about to read three books to "abundify" our possibilities together. Will write you again soon!!

Speaking of Day, my whole nutritional lifestyle has undergone a major overhaul: no more fastfood (as in, none at all) and lots of veggies and other healthy stuff. I'm still the omnivore, but much more responsible in what goes in (and out) of me. Gotslotsa veggies and tofu and good stuff but haven't met my seafood requirements on this continent yet. Miss my paksiw na galunggong and inihaw na pusit!

So 'yun lang muna. Chika again later - for now, b'bye!

Half-Moon Over Chicago

I like standing out on the balcony of my sister's Chicago apartment, just taking in where I'm at in time and space. In the summer, it's balmy and warmer than any Manila day; in the winter, it's brisk and chillier than the coldest day in Baguio City. Sometimes it reminds me of the Wack-Wack office, which is so different from my QC home - lots of bustle, no greenery, people and cars and the trains moving about, 24/7.

Tonight, there's a half-moon over Chicago. From where I'm at, the Sears Tower is a few blocks away, in direct sight. Lake Michigan, one of the greatest bodies of water I've set my eyes on, is just a stroll away. Oprah (or her show, anyway) is a telephone call away, if I can get through (never have, so far); so is my Mom and my friends back home. My law review books are at my feet; I have stuff spinning in the dryer downstairs. The whole world seems to be within reach.

Then again, it seems that the world is so much more distant than it usually is, from my familiar vantage point. But it's all well. That's all I have to say tonight :-).

Weather or Not

Giving myself a breather after two days of exploring the intricacies of Federal Procedure (wheee...huwaaahh!). So let me talk about the simpler things in life: in particular, the weather.

Today was a snow day - my first official experience of actual snowfall, as flurries apparently don't count. As always, my timing was impeccable - I'd planned to bravely venture out to do some shopping for supplies, only to find out from the early morning news that I'd be encountering some wet winter weather.

Even after bundling up, I had second thoughts of leaving the apartment - but then again, this would be an adventure in and of itself. The funny thing is that, while it was snowing all right, it wasn't as cold as I'd expected (there is probably some scientific explanation for this, which of course they didn't teach us in tropical elementary school). Therefore, I've arrived at the conclusion that it's not the snow that's going to be the death of me, but the wind.

Wind chill kills - or at least it'll kill me. Now don't get me wrong; I love cold weather. In fact, one of the reasons I chose to live in Baguio City is the cool mountain climate, which ranges from 15-21C at any given time of the year. Then again, I have an extremely narrow personal thermostat of 18-21C, above or below which I start to get uncomfortable.

I also require a sufficient amount of humidity, for which I'd usually escape to Session Road or the lower areas of BC when the house got too cold and dry (Manila's humidity, on the other hand, is a little more difficult to escape). Otherwise, my skin starts to shed and flake like crazy and my hair starts to go all coarse. I remember my first unfortunate school week in Paris when, instead of arriving in the summer weather I'd been expecting, I caught the tail end of a late, freezing spring - and my face dried up like a rice field in the midst of El Nino. Manila weather may be warm and humid, but it's the best moisturizer on the planet (ski-slope strength Nivea is my next best bet). My hair stylist is going to kill me when he finds out that, against his advice, I've been taking hot showers (which, unsurprisingly, has my hair frizz up and dry out). Sorry, Bambi!

Skin bakbak and falling snow that looks like balakubak in the wind (how romantic, haha) aside, I'm liking this strange new experience. The possibility of a white Christmas was my own creation, after all. And I promise never to complain about how warm and humid Manila is, ever again. :-)

Conversations in the Cold

Technically, I could justify lack of writing activity on some very good excuses. One, my hands are frozen stiff in -8 C winter weather. Two, I have nothing to write about. And three, the grandmother of an excuse to trump 'em all, I'm much too busy studying for the NY Bar to be bothered.

Then again, none of the above are true – technically.

Yes, I'm freezing – I'm in climes colder than I've ever been before, a situation hardly anticipated by my aborted relocation to chilly Baguio City or that February trek up the highest peak of Luzon that had Ney a-flurry with paternal concern (“Wear plastic bags over your socks!” “Keep bundled up!” “Eat your vegetables!”). Pretty good advice that applies to Chicago weather, except that I haven't had the chance to test out the plastic footwear trick, but I've kept warm and dry for the most part. Voluntary house arrest in this kind of weather is da bomb, and even the promise of all those post-Christmas sales isn't good enough reason to venture out in the wind and cold.

I have tons to write about, particularly about the phenomenon of American television, the rituals of turkey and other culinary traditions, homeless people in a First World country, and this strange new experience of ice raining down from the heavens.

And finally, while I've been busy studying, I've also spent an inordinate amount of time procrastinating and mentally beating myself up for doing so (that stops NOW). At bottom, a good full five hours a day (approximately a hundred pages) is the optimal amount to go through my books, plus another hour or so going through a practice exam. Which leaves about 18 hours for sleeping, eating, reality TV, e-mail, and other stuff.

Stuff like writing in my blog, which I've been putting off. No longer! Save for God and my sister, I don't have anyone else to talk to except for the doorman and the little voice in my head (which I invariably end up arguing with), so might as well “talk to the blog.”

More conversations to come very soon...happy holidays to everyone!

I GOT That I FORGOT!!

I just had one of my biggest breakthroughs of the year. I GOT that I FORGOT!

I forgot WHO I AM.

No wonder everything had been an uphill struggle lately. And my "space" was cluttered up (come to think of it, so was my calendar, my room, and my car). It had all devolved into dealing with the here and now, fixing things that were out of integrity, getting the job done, doing, doing, doing.

I was stuck in the muck, and I didn't know how to get out. Then again, knowing makes no difference.

As always, behind the big breakdown was a huge breakthrough. And it came in progression.

I GOT who I AM in the eyes of my God; I'd forgotten. A light upon the Earth, a bearer of His love, His Beloved. I got that in Him, I have no cause for fear. Through Him, I am transformed from identity to divinity (almost fell off the pew when I heard that in Mass last Sunday).

I GOT who I AM as my WORD; I'd forgotten. A few months ago, I spoke into being a possibility bigger than I ever imagined myself speaking. Last night, and today, I was powerfully reminded of that by someone who listens to me as no less.

What I GOT was Source, and source - in Whose and in whose presence I am huge, extraordinary, and pure possibility. More immense than I think myself to be. I LIVE into that listening; I become ALIVE in it. And I am restored to who I AM. There is drudgery no more, for the future I am living into is one worth giving my life. I just forgot. :-)

I AM a human being, not a human doing. I am love, empowerment, and commitment. I am the transformation of Asia. I am a child of God.

Thank you Bella, Rachel, and my Beloved Lord and Savior, for never letting me forget.

All You Got
- DC Talk

Heard you say that no one seems to care about you
It's in your eyes
You think that life's unfair to you
Just give it all you got my friend
Just give it all you got, it's not the end

'Cause you oughta know
There's a reason for these changing seasons
God only knows how much your heart can bear
So don't you let go
Everybody has their up and down times
Everybody needs to know how much they're loved
My friend, so hold on, it's not the end

As I remember, everything you touch
Will turn to gold, you held a secret
To make your grandest dreams unfold
You were the very best of us all
But the sun that rises still falls

'Cause you oughta know
There's a reason for these changing seasons
God only knows how much your heart can bear
So don't you let go
Everybody has their up and down times
Everybody needs to know how much they're loved
My friend, so hold on, it's not the end

It's just a love song
'Cause everybody needs a friend
And I'll be right here for you
It's just a simple prayer
It's from the bottom of my heart
That He'll never let you go

Next On The Agenda

Late one Friday night, while we were coaching a Landmark leadership program, my friend Peter shared with me that he was so looking forward to Saturday, because as he had scheduled in his Mission Control "capture tool" (i.e., planner/Blackberry/Outlook), it was time for him to sleep (or sleep in late, to be more precise). Now I know exactly what he meant.

It's been a long, busy week, and tomorrow I'm sleeping in. But before turning in, I have a load of stuff to be thankful for - waking hours well spent. The 19th Landmark Forum in the Philippines just completed its weekend today (awesomely, as always); I got through day two of my Mandatory Continuing Legal Education yesterday (two more Saturdays to go!); spent a really great evening with my law partners and new friends at Kenneth's birthday party; had some fantastic conversations about possibility, integrity, and even international trade law and college football; created the next Landmark Advanced Course; finished my first reading of the MBE subjects ahead of time; participated in the launch meeting of the fulfillment of my "son" J's possibility (and mine) of a dream book project, and more more more...all in a span of a few days. I really get that that's using up life - gloriously burning it up to the fullest.

And tonight/tomorrow I get to rejuvenate and restore. I get to "schedule in" sleep (and selfishly enjoy some real "me" time). Yum!

Good night, folks! God bless.

Without Integrity...

...nothing works!

Three BIG breakthroughs in integrity for me these last few days, and what whoppers they were! The last couple of weeks leading up to them had me in a funky space - not totally disempowered, but not all there either. It was like I was dragging my feet, doing everything that needed to get done, but still a little "off." As my friend "M the man" put it, when you get off being "off," it's like coming out fresh from a shower: "parang bagong ligo!" I couldn't have put it any better.

Breakthrough number 1. Integrity, as we know it well in Landmark Education , is, at its most junior level, keeping one's promises and agreements. What I got is that I very often keep my promises and agreements to other people, but when it comes to promises I make to myself...that's another story. At a weekend creation meeting for the next Landmark Advanced Course, my good buddy "SB" said, after I'd shared the promises to myself I wasn't keeping, "well, why don't you make those promises to me?" Absolutely brilliant! And it's been working like a dream - the promises I'd been putting off on fulfilling (booking my ticket to the US, renewing my passport, observing my review and workout schedules) have been held to account, and I'm happily on track. I bought my ticket to the US the day after the conversation, I renewed my passport the Tuesday after (see next breakthrough), and I get to report to "SB" - or "study buddy with a stud-ly body," heh heh, my daily progress in honoring my word as to my review and workout. And vice versa as regards his own promises to himself!

Breakthrough number 2. Another thing that had to be handled regarding my upcoming trip next month was my passport renewal - the travel document's validity was less than 6 months from the date of my travel on December 20. The thing is, they have a new passport system at the DFA which requires personal appearance at the Department of Foreign Affairs instead of the courier service. Ergo, long, sweaty lines and a massive amount of bureaucratic red tape (sure, I could've made a few phone calls and jumped the queues, but then I wouldn't have had my breakthrough, right?). Four hours into that, without having eaten anything the whole day = a very cranky me. I was exhausted, unhappy, and hungry and all I wanted to do was to go home and make everything and everyone wrong. But I had an Integrity seminar to assist at, so off I went to Makati. In the thick of Buendia traffic, and in a major disempowered state of pissed-off'ness, I began to distinguish what was having me be that way. Another thing I got as regards Integrity, Landmark style, is that standards and ideals get in the way of our being true to our values and principles. Suddenly, as I saw a traffic cop being wishy-washy in letting vehicles through, I saw exactly what my self-defeating standard and ideal was: "everything should work!" And if things don't work (or if it occurs to me that people's lives don't work), I get personally offended. Ha ha! That insight just totally blew me away, because on the other side of that was a value and principle I got to create in its place. If things are not working, how can I be responsible for workability being available, without making unworkability bad and wrong? What I created is being an extraordinary demand for things working - being the distinction b*tch, but for the sake of pure empowerment and possibility. The exhaustion and unhappiness completely disappeared by the time I got to AIM and the Integrity Seminar, and I stayed up on full power until almost 4 am the next day!

Breakthrough number 3 was pretty simple: being in action consistent with all the insights I'd gotten. The third and highest level of integrity is honoring one's word as one's self - walking the talk. And life just turned up in pure possibility - things in my life that had stalled all started to work, without effort. The clearing for integrity has allowed high levels of workability to be present, and I'm back in full gear, as regards to finances, my businesses, the profession, relationship, my coaching and other accountabilities, etc.!

The next Landmark Forum in Manila starts November 23, this Friday. It's been more than a year since I'd been in my own Landmark Forum, but, as I've written, the breakthroughs keep coming! Praise God for one of the most empowering experiences of my life; praise Him for the power, possibility and peace of mind He's made available through this work!

Heroes

"The sun rises on a new dawn. Yet few of us realize the debt we owe to those responsible for this, to those who dwell among us. Anonymous, seemingly ordinary, who destiny brought together to repair, to heal, to save us from ourselves.

"And they're still out there, among us. In the shadows, in the light; we pass them on the street without a glance, never suspecting, never knowing. Do they even know yet?

"But they're bound together by a common purpose, a glaring reality: to BE EXTRAORDINARY.

"And when destiny does anoint them, how do they hide from it? How long can they dwell in the shadows before fate, or their own flawed humanity, draws them out into the light...again?"

- Heroes, 2nd Season (1st episode)

Create, create, create...

It's been said that one of the pitfalls of living an invented life is the failure to create. It may sound obvious, but we're human beings, designed to forget. Once the creative facility stalls, a once-vibrant life becomes dreary, effortsome, boring (and then we start to ask ourselves what the problem is, i.e., in Landmark terms, "what's missing?").

Happily enough, I can distinguish the "red flags" of that state of ennui before it descends completely, and have committed to keep creating (even when sometimes I don't feel like it). After all, the Divinity that is within and around us is a creative force, endlessly speaking possibilities into being.

Today was another great opportunity to participate in that kind of marvelous creation, and earlier this evening, to keep whatever it was I created during the day in existence by writing it down. More than a gratitude journal (gratitude, to my mind, is a moment-to-moment acknowledgment of blessings, big and small, and then a completion of that experience by emptying one's "receptacle" to receive, once again. In other words, the past IS the past, I am profoundly, exceedingly, and constantly grateful for what has been given, AND at the same time emptied and ready for what is yet to be received), I keep a "creative log" of what I've "invented" for myself and my life for the day. There are some days when I slip into "ordinary" mode and forget to remind myself of what I've created, which is why the written log is such a great tool. What it represents and keeps in existence is my WORD - the possibilities of what and who I've declared myself to be. And, it's a indescribable thrill to revisit what I once wrote and actually confirm that I've realized it.

Let me share with you today's entries, with some brief notes on how those came about.

7 November 2007

1. Service at He Cares, at least once a week. Today was an opportunity for me to revisit where I began to find my purpose; I haven't been regularly serving at He Cares since I stepped into the astounding explosion of my LIFE in all its abundance, always knowing fully well that He Cares is a hugely important part of it. Last Monday, I promised Kuya JD I'd go back up to Montalban with him. And on Tuesday evening, at the Integrity Seminar, I got present to one piece of honoring my principles and values, which includes my commitment and love for sharing God's blessings as I'd been called to He Cares to do so, three years ago. This morning, in the presence of the people I've served and truly love as bearers of Christ Jesus on earth, I got to the complete realization of one of my fundamental principles and values in life, without which things are "off" and which gives me inspiration and genuine self-expression: SERVICE. This is who I AM. This is what I've been blessed to BE. And this is what I can be counted on for. I've been called back, and once again, I reply, "Here I am."

2. 85% in all areas of the NY Bar Exam. Haha, still in the middle of review, and getting there.

3. Developing and expanding TWT. I had a great conversation yesterday with a potential writer and shared with him the future we're creating for Third-World Traveler and the talented Filipino. Jeryc my son, we gotta get busy!

4. Developing and expanding C+C. Again, another great conversation with my kumareng Day about the potential and future of this endeavor, I love it! Next meeting to formalize the new structures and avenues of undertaking, right after November 16.

5. Practice guitar. Like I said, I logged this list down earlier this evening, and, after reviewing MBE Contract law, completing my workout (ha, something that's not been written, but an ongoing and unbroken commitment to myself to the possibility of "hot body" teehee), cooking dinner, and dealing with work, I just really got down to practice on the old acoustic. The miracle is, after a couple of hours of exercises, I just got out my chord book to worship the Lord, and I found myself playing better than I've ever done before! Not bad, considering that it's been a year since I "played" and I never was a very good guitar player to begin with.

6. Food photography. I'm actually going to practice that - been reading up on white balance and ISO and stuff like that, which I totally have ignored using my undermaximized point-and-shoot (a darned good one too, according to my friend Jason L). Good skill to learn for the catering business and the upcoming website (great idea from Day!)

7. Leading Landmark Introductions to Assisting. I've gotten HUGE breakthroughs in my assisting accountabilities at Landmark, and today I created the possibility of enrolling people into a life of service and contribution (this insight I got as a function of my breakthrough in #1).

So there, that's what I've created today. I wonder what I'll be creating tomorrow? Will be sure to let you know. :-)

Happiness...

...is ending a catering gig with people saying how much they loved your food and service, and that they'll see you again at the next job. Actually, happiness is the entire process of catering - from buying all the stuff from the market/s, getting the crew together, doing the cooking, setting up, and serving the guests. And, in my case, throwing in a song, upon request, with the live band (extraordinary service, free of charge). Happiness is also having a Long Island Iced Tea when things start settling down, and sending the service staff home with doggie bags (Henry and Thea, my brother-sister crew for the day, have 13 people living in their household at the moment, so that was a great bonus for them, aside from their fee and generous tip).

I love this job (one of many, all of which I love as well). Need a caterer? Drop me a line at C+C; my free entertainment package ends December 20. :-)

Re-Com

The last several days have been a re-communion of sorts, a "coming home" to many fond and familiar persons, places, pastimes, and pursuits:

October 23. Re-com with the Landmark family, with the start of the Integrity seminar. Always great to be in conversation with a community of possibility, and to be with people I love dearly. Speaking of whom, I had a re-com with the Pixel folks earlier that day, since M is out of the country and left a project that needed to be worked on; then much later that night it was a re-communing with my buddies at the "JJ Phad" - I promised I'd stay only a couple of hours so I could get ready for the next day's trip, but catching up with B & B plus beer and conversation and their guitars had us jamming until way past my bedtime (as always).

October 24. Re-com with the "Phad in BC" and BC itself! I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that a year away had the Phad missing me like heck (and vice versa). There was a virtual forest growing on the steps, the locks were rusty and put up a struggle, but Ça vaut le voyage! I was "home" - a term that has expanded definition in the last year. Much to my relief, there wasn't anything of value taken in the break-in except for CC's cereals and the canned goods I left (whoever/whatever ate them must probably be dead of botulism anyway), and J's Swiss knife (I'm sorry anak, I'll get you a new one). All my DVDs, CDs, and plates were still there, not to mention my books, which unfortunately bore signs of dampness from the cold weather *boohoo*. At any rate, there wasn't time to read them, as the trip to my beloved BC had another re-com as its purpose: the MCLE (Mandatory Continuing Legal Education), or making up for the missed hours I skipped out on, to comply with the Integrated Bar's requirements. Another great re-com while I was there: I ran into a good friend L from my NGO days in the mid-90's as a rookie litigator with the Women's Legal Bureau. Over the next few days, not only did I re-com with the law, but with my favorite BC haunts as well: the market, Good Shepherd, and good old Session Road.

October 28. The Phad spotless and the jungle cleared, the next re-com was a visit to yet another "home" - Bangued, Abra, home of my maternal ancestors. That afternoon and evening I re-comm'd with my grandmother, my aunt and uncle, and had a few swigs of alcohol over conversation with my favorite cousin L.

*** Insert pleasant over-indulgent lull spent with Hugh Laurie and James Woods (House and Shark, respectively)...angsty doctor, angsty lawyer, both of whom I find irresistible, go figure... ***

November 2. Re-com with catering. The last week, I got two jobs for the food business I've sort of neglected these last several months, and I re-comm'd with a vengeance. Did the marketing myself for tomorrow's gig, recruited the old hands, prepped by really getting my own hands dirty (chopping ingredients, and even making a nice healthy dinner afterwards) even if my nails have grown nice and long and have been carefully manicured.

Re-com with guitar. Ouch. The nails didn't work; had to trim them down a bit to manage the chords. Hadn't touched N's old acoustic hand-me-down for months but managed to tune it nicely; though my fingers have gotten stiff and B minor is a pain once again.

Finally, my favorite re-com of all. Taking a breather from the hustle and bustle of life, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, just reveling in His calm presence and overwhelming love. Re-communion with my First of All, my Most of All, my All in All. The One Who awaits me at every moment to commune with Him, Who knows my deepest desires, Who sees the most extraordinary of my possibilities. I've not had much time to re-commune with my Maker lately, but today, when I did, it was like old times. And it was like new. In His presence, I'd come "home" too. :-)

Found In Translation

Next to Math, Filipino was my worst subject in school. Blame it on the prohibitive mentality at home and in an earlier school that speaking the native tongue was "bad and wrong": helpers were forbidden to speak to us in anything other than (somewhat broken) English, we were actually fined for every Tagalog word we spoke on school premises, and my brother and I were planted in front of every episode of Sesame Street (34 years later, he's still its biggest fan).

But I managed to find ways around the restriction - Wakasan komiks nicked from the yayas or rented out at 10 centavos from a nearby store, illicit viewings of old LVN movies and the saga of Flor de Luna, and a keen ear for chismis on the Barros side of the family that had me fully comprehending Ilocano at an early age (a purely auditory skill; I still can't speak it without sounding weird). All that sneaking around did me a whole lot of good when I moved to another school where everyone else spoke Filipino, except that I still struggled with the vocabulary way into the sixth grade ("What do you mean, sirit?").

Unfortunately, my proficiency was limited to conversational Tagalog. To this day, my head swims if you give me more than a paragraph of written Filipino; I hardly made it halfway through Florante at Laura, much less the Tagalog translations of Noli Me Tangere/El Filibusterismo without going into verbal shock.

Which is why it's very strange that I find myself translating written work in English to the native tongue. Anna Liza and all, English is still my first language - I think it, speak it, dream in it, and am more comfortable with it than any other. I can speak straight Filipino - if I were speaking in the streets - but my written grasp of the language still leaves much to be desired. And yet, through all these years of translation, I've been discovering the beauty and expressiveness of the Filipino tongue, which captures so much of the soul of its speakers.

I suppose I underestimate my proficiency in artistic expressions of Tagalog. Now that I think of it, I wrote numerous scenes for radio and TV broadcast at the College of Mass Communication, not to mention sketches for the long-running LIVE A.I.D.S. series in my SAMASKOM days. I also wrote a short play, entirely in Tagalog, as a requirement for the last class I attended before qualifying for my undergraduate degree: a modern parody of the Noli's Donas Victorina and Consolacion duking it out in the afterlife, staged at the Wilfrido Ma. Guerrero theater and performed by cast members of the UP Repertory. My PI 100 prof, Jess Ramos, loved it so much that he even requested my permission to have it re-staged for a Rizal conference; I still can't believe I could have written something so socially incisive yet entertaining (I've never bothered to keep tabs on the copyright of these works; the play might still be out there, just like the Utol scene I wrote which is allegedly still being used by UP Broadcasting majors almost 20 years from when I first wrote it for a TV production class).

Much later, even in law school, Filipino writing jobs still presented themselves. In my senior year, now-Senator then-plain-old-Kiko Francis Pangilinan had me write and produce his legal segments for the daily TV show Hoy Gising!, all entirely in Tagalog and masa/sub judice-friendly legalese.

Fast-forward to several years later, when mission work for the He Cares Foundation had me not only reading the Gospel in Tagalog, but preaching it as well. Plus there was the unbelievably time-consuming job (up to 11 hours for a wedding!) of translating the Liturgy into reader-friendly Filipino for Father Steve Tynan, every Saturday for almost two years.

Today, I still do a lot of translating work - mainly for the Augustinian Recollects through my good friend Father Boyax (apparently their Bisaya/Ilonggo is much better than their Tagalog skills; on the other hand, my Tagalog is far better than my Bisaya - again, another auditory language skill picked up from my father's side of the family, murag). I've done the translation of two videos for them, and just now wrapped up another on the life of St. Ezekiel Moreno. Also in the works (a long overdue project, my apologies) is a translation of the late Senator Raul Roco's book of quotations, commissioned by his wife Sonia. Religion and politics, translated in the style of Honey Oliveros. Kinda awesome, huh?

My TWT partner J and I have discussed plans of turning the tables and actually translating Filipino films to English; that would be even more awesome. TWT has also inspired me to study alibata (our logo is written as such), the native pre-Hispanic script of the islands, which is as beautifully written visually as it is verbally. And the beautiful Filipino language has me constantly fascinated as, in my translations, I've found (in my trusty English-Filipino dictionary) some gorgeously profound words I've never even heard before like tudlaan (target) and satsat (tonsure), as well as more than one really great word for "result": kinauwian, humantong, nagdulot etc. One of my favorite Filipino words that I prefer over the Spanish variant: sansinukob (universe). Root words: san/isang (all/one), sukob (encompassing, sheltering) - an all-encompassing, all-sheltering ONE. Gorgeous. The things you find in translation are pretty cool.

Back to BC

I've procrastinated too long.

Baguio City was my solace from stress, the haven of my heart-stirrings, the "cave" of consolation. Last year, I spent more time in BC than any other place outside Manila, for rest, rejuvenation, and, or so I thought, eventual residence. I'd actually started to move up to BC in the summer of 2006, and I was all set to start life anew in my favorite city in the mountains.

However, such was not my "fate." I found myself back in Manila on request from a friend, but still shuttling back and forth as I held on to my dream of living BC. Little did I know that I would be leaving BC, to embark on the adventure of a whole new life in Manila...and beyond. And so I left Baguio City, always meaning to return one day, someday. The chalkboard sign in the living room says, "Welcome Home!" - and yet I haven't done so in months. Almost a year now, if I remember correctly.

But that's to change in a few weeks. I've been traveling high and low and near and far over the last many months, but nowhere near BC. One probable reason is that I no longer need a "cave" to retreat to; another is that the house was broken into a few months ago and I'd be heartbroken to see for myself what was taken. But, as circumstances would have it, the mandatory Continuing Legal Education program I'm missing a few hours of will be held in BC in October, and there's no earlier offering in Manila. And so, I'm going back to BC - with a new frame of mind. I'm no longer in search of a new perspective...but I do miss the peace and the pine trees. So BC, here I come.

Lost Links

I lost my old templates (go figure) and had to replace them...in the process, I lost all my links to friends' blogs and pages. Will reconstitute them as soon as I find the time to tinker with the template settings. Sigh.

Big Promises

One of the biggest things I got in the Bangkok Intensive was to make BIG promises. A particularly compelling conversation was about not being afraid to give your word to a big promise - after all, the value of a promise is to pull one into action. Then, during a brief informal discussion over lunch, Nui told me, "create a big quota!"

Playing safe isn't really my style, but I've still been a little too cautious to really risk too much. After Bangkok, I began to promise BIG-ger...with amazing results. I've taken the "big promise" game into certain areas of my life (in my leading, for instance - I promised 50% effectiveness where I used to promise 30%, and I got 67%!!), and so far it's produced breakthrough results - bigger than I expected!! I expect it to work wonders in the new game we created for the practice (it's already yielding amazing returns with all the new openings for action - and to think the game plan commences in October!), and I'm going to take it into all areas of my professional life (and perhaps even into my personal life, as soon as I determine what "quotas" are appropriate in that domain!).

Promise BIG. This life's too magnificently blessed to play in the minor leagues.

Butterfly

Biologists studying the caterpillar and the butterfly were amazed to find that the dissimilarity between one and the other: there was nothing in the biological make-up of either one that remotely related it to the other. It was as if they were two distinct organisms. Upon closer study of the caterpillar, however, it was discovered that a new kind of cell starts to appear - a cell that carries with it the image and possibility of "butterfly."

"The caterpillars new cells are called "imaginal cells". They resonate at a different frequency. They are so totally different from the caterpillar cells that his immune system thinks they are enemies . . . and gobbles them up - Chomp! Gulp! But these new imaginal cells continue to appear. More and more of them! Pretty soon, the caterpillar's immune system cannot destroy them fast enough. More and more of the imaginal cells survive. And then an amazing thing happens! The little, tiny, lonely imaginal cells start to clump together, into friendly little groups. They all resonate together at the same frequency, passing information from one to another. Then, after a while, another amazing thing happens! The clumps of imaginal cells start to cluster together! . . . A long string of clumping and clustering imaginal cells, all resonating at the same frequency, all passing information from one to another there inside the chrysalis.

A wave of Good News travels throughout the system - Lurches and heaves . . . but not yet a butterfly.

Then at some point, the entire long string of imaginal cells suddenly realizes all together that it is Something Different from the caterpillar. Something New! Something Wonderful!! . . . And in that realization is the shout of the birth of the butterfly!

Since the butterfly now 'knows' that it is a butterfly, the little tiny imaginal cells no longer have to do all those things individual cells have to do. Now they are part of a multi-celled organism - A FAMILY who can share the work. Each new butterfly cell can take on a different job. There is something for everyone to do. And everyone is important. And each cell begins to do just that very thing it is most drawn to do. And every other cell encourages it to do just that.

A great way to organize a butterfly!"

- Norie Huddle, Butterfly

Send Me To The Nations

It's kind of funny how things went full circle.

A year ago, I remember giving my friend Alan all sorts of excuses for not registering into the Landmark Forum. One favorite was, "but Alan, this is the money for my US trip!"

And he said, very sagely, "You can have the Landmark Forum AND your US trip. And even more." I wanted to slap the smile off his face, but I'd seen something I wanted badly to resolve, so I paid up.

Fast forward to a year later. Over dinner at a new Foundation I'd been invited to join, my seatmate engages me in conversation. She says she's been to an Introduction to the Landmark Forum but hasn't registered. I ask, why not? She's going to the US, she says, and to Japan soon after, and won't have any money left over afterwards.

So I take off on my share.

I was in the very same space in mid-August of 2006 - plus I was seeking direction (while not letting anyone on to it). And, miracles of miracles, not only did I get my family, my practice, and my LIFE back during my Landmark Forum, but I also got my US trip last July (more than three weeks of pure R & R), AND got to travel more in less than 12 months than I'd ever traveled in my life: China, twice! Japan. Palawan. Singapore. And, next week, Bangkok; Cebu in October; and the US again in December. Plus, opportunities have opened up in business and the practice that will have me once again traveling abroad, more often than I ever expected.

The Landmark Forum was the best-ever adventure I'd ever taken on - so good that I took on completing the whole Curriculum for Living, through which I found and now am able to live my purpose in life - God's purpose for me all along. The fringe benefit is that I get to satisfy my wanderlust, in a surprisingly effortless manner.

Once upon a time, I prayed to God in song, "send me to the nations." And He has. :-) I'm assured He will continue to do so. Amen!