Jars of Clay

Was browsing through my dear friend/business partner/sister Johanna's blog the other day and an entry really floored me. It's a compelling quote from Marianne Williamson on what we can truly BE:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

The weakness of our humanity oftentimes chokes off that Light, and we are stuck in the self-centered world of self-inflicted darkness. What saves us from being consumed by that desperate night is the reminder that, while we are fragile vessels susceptible to being broken or shattered, we contain a glorious Light - that can only be revealed each time our humanity cracks and breaks. And once we, in our humanity, are entirely broken beyond recognition and given up for others, it is only then that the glory of God's blinding Light, the priceless treasure within the jars of clay, is fully revealed as who we truly ARE.

For God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of (Jesus) Christ.

But we hold this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us.

We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed;
always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body.

For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since, then, we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I believed, therefore I spoke," we too believe and therefore speak, knowing that the one who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and place us with you in his presence.

Everything indeed is for you, so that the grace bestowed in abundance on more and more people may cause the thanksgiving to overflow for the glory of God.

Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:4-18)

Creating From Nothing

And so we emerge from yet another leadership training weekend, and what a powerful weekend that was! Great breakthroughs to propel us into the future we're creating for ourselves.

We're finally getting the TWT show on the road, for one, and really seriously putting our noses to the grindstone. One wonderful thing that I learned from a great friend (and business partner), who I acknowledge and admire for her velocity and intentionality in getting her dream off the ground in a matter of a few months, is doing one thing everyday towards the fulfillment of the possibility one has created. And that's just what we did, especially with the powerful new distinctions we received over the ILP weekend. Things are falling into place in a great new realm, and it's absolutely thrilling!

Watch out for Third-World Traveler, Co. - we're gonna rock the Third World!

Getting Present

...through just a smile, a conversation, an acknowledgment, a listening ear.

I love the people I work with: the mothers on kitchen duty and their stories of triumph and defeat and rising again, the people in the office with their hopes and dreams and possibilities, my partners in all the many endeavors I'm involved in - with their realizations of their own frailties, and most importantly, their greatness.

I love the people I serve for being just that - people who I can love, and to whom I can show my love through my service. I get that service does not mean bending over backward or sacrificing painfully, but comes from a genuine and loving acknowledgment of their dignity, their humanity, their equality. Service, indeed, begins with a smile - and sometimes that's all that takes. I've been profoundly made present to how that alone makes a difference.

I love my family and friends for who they are, and for what I can see they can truly be.

I love my God for BEING who He is and who He wants me to BE. My future with Him in eternity is truly the most powerful future that could ever call anyone into being.

My friend Peter recently acknowledged me for being "peace, ease, and profound happiness." I get that; I'm present to all of that. May I continue to be present to all the gifts, especially the most precious gift of relationship, that the Lord continues to shower me with.

Praise God :-)

Hmmm...

I'm not into astrology, but we were going through a book at my friend's studio earlier, and the very first sentence of the entry under my birthday read:

"Those born on July 31 take a special interest in what it means to be a human being. Philosophical and moral questions concerning the nature of humanity absorb them, especially where unusual and abnormal aspects of people are concerned." -The Secret Language of Birthdays by Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers

Hmmm. Very interesting.

What's your hobby?

The question was asked in a production meeting yesterday, and I got stumped. Who has time to have hobbies when, on a Saturday, you've got meetings in Makati at 10:00 am, 1:00, and 5:00, an event from 2:00 to 5:00, set-up for a friend's party at 7:00, and the party itself at 9:00 pm? And, in between, a business plan that's waiting to be done (it wasn't).

So I said, half-jokingly, that my hobby was drinking - and going to the bathroom to pee (it felt like that was the only thing I had free time to do). But I wasn't really complaining, and just continued to think about the question for the next few hours.

Later, at the party, Alan asked the question again, but with the qualification "If you had time, what would be your hobbies?"

Standard answer: travel - a little luxury now that my calendar is steadily filling up, and I'll be doing that mid-year. Diving, which I promised myself I'd do again sometime soon, and schedule is still the consideration. Movies - haven't gone to a theater lately but there's always the rare DVD marathon (of foreign art films, yum). The occasional book is always nice, recently finished The Four Agreements - but I'm not reading as much as I used to. But no regrets; I honestly didn't feel like I was missing out on doing things I really love to do.

And so the party progressed, and I had such a fun time (even when I was "working," i.e., helping out at the bar, serving food, entertaining guests), that this morning I got to thinking.

It's not true that I don't have time to do the things I love (the popular definition of "hobby"), because I'm actually already doing them in my life. And not just in my spare time! Now that's a blessing I'm now present to and profoundly grateful for.

I love to cook, and go shopping for pretty household stuff for entertaining. And that's what I do for a living, through the catering business.

I love to party and entertain, and that too I do as part of the business - and as a big part of my life, just like at Kate's impromptu birthday bash last night. I got to dance to some great bands and meet new people (and old friends!) and have great conversations with them and my friends until the wee hours.

I love to talk, and conversation is no longer a dying art in my world. I get to talk to my best friend every single weekday (and sometimes the after-work drinking weeknights) as we work together, to the wonderful people in my life, and to the great people I spend a lot of time doing the work of transformation with (even on weekends and holidays and even in the middle of a party; no vacation from transformation!). And to whoever else I meet and engage in conversation.

And I get to really live my life. I have no time for hobbies, because I'm spending it all already doing what I love - my hobby is my life. Amazing grace, indeed! Now I really get what He said about the fullness and abundance of life - and I'm truly thankful for that. :-)

Now that the business plan's done and I've gotten some writing in today, I'm going to do something I really love and have the rare opportunity to enjoy: take a Sunday nap. Yum!

Breathing Space

Finally, some down time after work-play-work-play-work-work-work over the season. Was so pooped on New Year's Eve that I didn't even make it to the countdown, and then New Year's Day was another big day in the kitchen. So today, I relished the alone time to drive to Chinatown (thank God for post-holiday traffic-lessness), comb the bookstore racks, get a *pink* pedicure, and read up on some program assignments. And to talk on the phone with someone I never thought I could ever relate to - what a great way to cap off a relaxing day. Also got some phone time in with my peripatetic BMF, just when I was beginning to really miss him. And it's back to work tomorrow! Never thought I'd be raring to say that :-)

Before I hit the sack, I wanted to share an entry from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest, a devotional I've had a love-cynical-love relationship with. The last part of December 31st's reads:

"...As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impuslive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ.

"Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him."

Amen. I got that, and I really like that. :-)

The One True Light

Rejoice! A blessed Christmas to all :-)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God;
all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made.
In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.
He came for testimony, to bear witness to the light, that all might believe through him.
He was not the light, but came to bear witness to the light.
The true light that enlightens every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world knew him not.
He came to his own home, and his own people received him not.
But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God;
who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father.
(John bore witness to him, and cried, "This was he of whom I said, `He who comes after me ranks before me, for he was before me.'")
And from his fullness have we all received, grace upon grace.
For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
No one has ever seen God; the only Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, he has made him known. (John 1:1-18)

A New Space

My Christmas gift to myself is *tadah* a new space. I was creating one in Baguio City when life stopped "happening" to me and I started to make it "happen," and now it looks like I've made it happen at new digs in Mandaluyong. What it's going to eventually look like is something still in my head, but bits and pieces are starting to get put together. Worst case would be a sleeping mat in the middle of the condo floor, but that's a little too sad to imagine (I'd probably be better off crashing over at Rhia's, Ney's, or Miles'!).

The great thing is that almost everything important to me is within the perimeter - my best friends, both my offices, my training program. Home, He Cares, and the kitchen are still not too far away, and it'll save me a huge chunk of travel time to be centrally located. An added bonus is that an old sorority sister lives only three stories up - so there'll always be someone to borrow a cup of sugar from (as if I'll be doing anything that needs sugar).

So it's an exciting new phase in my life. Come to think of it, it's actually God's little gift to me, just like JJ Phad in BC, and I'm looking forward to what the New Year in the new digs will bring, sleeping mat and all. :-)

Failing Forward...and Into His Arms

Breakdown, major one. I never expected that one coming; and it was dark and ugly while it lasted. Thank God it took only a few hours out of my life for me to see His hand pull me out of that place and set me back on my feet.

We're not meant to wallow - although at times our humanity requires us to. In self-centered misery, there's a denial of the light at the end of the tunnel, the dancing after the mourning, the Easter morning. He will always pull us through, and in this case, He had me rejoicing in a matter of relative moments.

It's times like these when being Christian is most powerful: when the ground beneath us seems to crumble, we are assured of the steady foundation of His promises. He is the only One who walks with us in the lonely valley, when we cannot trust even our own footing; He sees us not for our many failures but lovingly acknowledges our possibility. The future we are living in truly calls us powerfully into being who we are today - after all, He who is Integrity Himself promised us a future full of hope, He who has plans for our welfare, not our woe (Jeremiah 29:11-16). And truly, all things work for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).

Praise be the God of our salvation, in whom all things are possible :-)

Welcome Home Kuya, and A Bientot, Roy!

Kuya JD's back home after a month of evangelization seminars (and Hainanese chicken!) in Singapore, and our good friend Roy from Canada is on his way home tomorrow after a much too brief visit. Tonight we had a welcome home/farewell dinner for them, with food, beer, and lots of possibilities created. Praise be to God! Love and blessings all around :-)

Related

Today I just got present to the miracle of being related to another human being in terms of friendship. My definition of a "good friend" may be different from that of another, and it's all good. What's important is the blessing of friendship: the good friends I have in my life, and those who consider me a good friend. And I'm creating the possibility of being related fully to all of them, whoever they may be, and however long I've known them. :-) Amazing :-)

Faithful In The Little Things

Less than a month ago, I put together a little venture for the urban poor mothers of the He Cares Foundation - a kitchen cooperative to engage in the business of cooking and distributing packed lunches, merienda, and dinner (the call centers!) to offices and other establishments in the city. From a business point of view, the market is huge and the potential is immense; goodness knows that my own office building alone demands more than what is being supplied. But this enterprise is rooted in something more important than that: the empowerment of these women to become not just recipients of God's grace and blessings but channels of these blessings themselves. Which is exactly the essence of He Cares' mission.

The old proverb "Give a man a fish, you have fed him for today; teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime" applies particularly to the HCF Mothers' Kitchen Coop, and to other such HCF cooperatives I'd like to establish in the near future. Our counterpart of acting for ourselves upon God's providence aside from merely asking is essentially scriptural: Matthew 7:7 does not end with "Ask and it will be given to you," although it is surprising that many believers (myself previously included) seem to remember otherwise. The rest of the verse reads (to 7:8), "seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." The Bible is replete with references on how His people powerfully went into action upon His grace and received miracles upon miracles. Moses leading Israel out of Egypt. Rahab lowering down Joshua's spies, and the red cord out her window. The widow giving her last meal to Elijah. The diseased Roman centurion who bathed in the river Jordan. The faithful friends who broke through the roof to lower a paralytic down to where the Lord was. The hemorraging woman who touched His cloak...I could go on and on. The point is, they not only asked; they acted, and they received.

God has given us talent, resources, skills, intelligence, and the most wonderful gift of free will, all of which are wasted when we sit back on our heels and expect Him to do all the work. And then, more often than not, when our prayers are "not being answered," we tend to blame Him or otherwise justify our circumstances by saying "He said 'no.'" Our inaction, which invariably results in resignation and cynicism, has absolutely no place in the Good News of our salvation; otherwise, we would never be celebrating the ebullience of Easter morning.

Back to "my" mothers. Over the last two and a half years, I've seen them receive so many of His blessings, and still revert to being resigned and cynical. I've preached the Gospel to them, shared how God has been acting in my life and in the life of others, and frequently reminded them how good and faithful He is. But I never quite witnessed the rapt expressions on their faces as when I first told them, only four weeks ago, that God's providence becomes truly real when they act upon it in their own lives. When they actually become responsible and accountable for everything He has given them - and how, acting upon those gifts, that can translate to unimaginable blessings in their lives, and the lives of those around them. That they can actually be greater than what they presently make themselves out to be, and that God is glorified even more in achieving that greatness.

From six mothers on that first day, the coop swelled to 20 seven days later. Now they even want to bring their husbands in. I can't describe the impact of their transformation - from crippling despair wrought by poverty to hope - had on me. It was just a dream, an inspiration; but with faith in God's power, we remain anchored on the promise that in Him, "all things are possible!" (Matthew 19:26). Through His grace and providence, things are now moving swiftly to make the dream a reality. And the women are now truly empowered: no longer are they mere beneficiaries of "hand-outs," but they are actually taking active part in how they want their lives to become. Since the enterprise is a cooperative, they, under the guidance and auspices of the Foundation, are ultimately responsible for the operations and profit of their work. How small or how big they can make their profits grow, and how they will lift their neighbors from envy to contribution and transformation is entirely up to them. And it's simply miraculous how God's power is working in them, with this newfound hope. They are actually acting, instead of always just asking. Praise be to God!

Today's penultimate meeting of commitment before we begin full operations on the first week of December was empowering, not just for them, but for myself. As I advised them on business and money matters, particularly in handling their personal finances (who would have known I had that in me; thank you Lord for the continuing surprises!), He inspired me to draw upon His word. "The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones. (Luke 16:10)" Kapag pinagkatiwalaan ka sa maliit na bagay, maaasahan ka sa mas malaki. A striking verse that applies not only to how one controls one's money, resources, and business, but also to everything in life that comes from the Creator. Skills, talents, relationships...everything that is entrusted to us by Him. Mindblowing - I got much out of that just by speaking it. And so did they.

It definitely was no coincidence that one of the mothers informed me that Luke 16: 1-10, was today's (more accurately, yesterday's) Gospel - and I was not aware of it (my story of not having time lately to go through my daily Mass readings). And to put God's word into action through this transformative Kitchen Cooperative, now a little thing, and through faithfulness, will be something really big, is indeed a blessing, and a privilege. All glory belongs to Him. :-)

The Time Has Come

Just got in from Hillsong United's concert at the Ninoy Aquino Stadium. I loved the energy and self-expression of all the many thousands of young people (myself included, hehe...) who gathered together to unabashedly sing, dance, and rock their praises to the King.

While I'm admittedly partial to Hillsong's Reuben Morgan, and to a lesser extent, Darlene Zschech, I can't help but get caught up in the contagion of United's powerful performances. The first one - a new song from their most recent album (United We Stand, 2006), is particularly apt at this point of my life: I've always said that my "medium" setting is busted, and I can only operate on "high" and "low." And, these days, I've come to realize that my "low" button is busted as well. :-)

The Time Has Come
by Hillsong United

Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope, found life
Found all I need - You're all I need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You

Today, today it's all or nothing
All the way, the praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today, today I live for one thing
To give You praise in everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You


All we are is Yours
And all we're living for is all You are
Is all that You are Lord


Praise Him to the Highest Heavens for a truly powerful evening of praise and worship. United rocks! Even for an "old-timer" like myself :-)

Full-Speed Ahead!

Haven't had much time to write lately, mainly because I've been living life to the max and playing full-out. I am profoundly grateful for the grace to be able to do so.

In the last 10 days I:

- Went back to Boracay (a breakthrough in my relationship with the island, which I'd sworn off forever), and experienced the most perfect vacation ever (breakthroughs in my travel OC'ness, relationships with people - including men, and the Bora bar scene), with a great friend and sister I only met in September (a breakthrough in friendship and choice of traveling companions!).

- Had a ton of fun at an awesome Halloween party (only a few hours off the plane, in full costume, no holds barred!)

- Reconnected with old friends and connected them with new ones

- Attended Mass at 6:00 am (major breakthrough); on another day, got home at 6:00 am and lived to tell about it...

- Went back to Cali! (always a great idea)

- Created a kitchen cooperative with the He Cares mothers, to supply cooked food to offices, run a carinderia/s

- Got Third-World Traveler Publishing Co. up, running, and in action!

- Got in action towards the December 1 deadline of setting up HBO & Associates' new office - a big, big game I love playing

- Booked more clients for C+C Personal Caterers

- Etc. and so much more!

So this is what life feels like, at full-throttle. Barely 10 days, and I feel like I've accomplished more than I ever had in 10 years! And I have absolutely no stress, even with all these things going on...although a massage right now would be absolutely lovely (running hard, but not yet tired).

God's grace be praised!

Amazing Praise

Today I found myself, upon the invitation of a dearest sister-in-Christ, at a worship workshop. What better way to spend a Sunday afternoon...and who better else to spend it with (referring of course to the aforementioned sister, her future bridegroom, and several dozen worshippers! Plus a couple of dear familiar faces from my old worship ministry as an added bonus). Anyway, I was excited to come into communal worship after the last major space-clearing, and man, was I blown away!

Mela reminded me of how, once upon a time, I described my connection to my God as on a "broadband" level, an upgrade from "dial-up." But today, whoa, the network connection went off the scale - I was totally hooked, wired, fully connected! Rissa Singson, in her talk, also confirmed something I've only recently been experiencing in my prayer time: ever since the clearing of my relationship with Him, my early morning worship and prayer time has been much more profound and intense, albeit much shorter in length. Sometimes it takes only five minutes (from my usual 30-45 minutes), and my Lord and I "get" each other more powerfully and distinctly than if I'd spent an hour trying to get to Him.

And worship, finally, became really and truly about Him. When I used to lead worship, I'd be overly concerned about cues and appearance and melody and what to say, that I'd almost lose sight of Who worship is really about. But now I finally got it. Praise God! Woohoo!

Grace In My Space

What's in my space today?

I'm grateful for a little quiet time to myself and my laptop. This Space Mountain of a ride has had me swept off my feet the last several days that I usually get home in the wee hours and way too tired to do anything else. Tonight, we called it an "early" one after eating too much (again); but Bakang seems to have other plans and is enticing me to jam awhile - I don't think so. Just sent in my "kids'" final grades; have an early day tomorrow to do catering stuff and chorva.

*An hour and a half later* Just got off the phone - haven't used the landline so much since high school; my mobile phone bill must be horrendous (the family company pays for it, and I usually get flak from my Mom when my bill goes even slightly off the charts, but lately she's noticeably nonplussed about the whole thing).

What's in one particular space in the garage today was the former love-of-my-life, the symbol of freedom and independence and my one-way ticket out of "bad" situations. My beloved Toyota is crushed beyond recognition, its hood and engine crumpled like a used tissue. I'm now dependent on friends and my father to get where I need to be, and, starting Saturday, on a hired driver to ferry me safely back and forth, especially when I'm tired and sleepy (I fell asleep at the wheel on Sunday morning; H will probably make good on his long-time promise to come over to personally kick my a$$ since the worse has happened - good enough reason to finally get jerky to come over, just kidding jerky! :-) ) But that crash created a huge space to realize many things: that I am not Superwoman and my act of "being able to do everything" is disappearing, with the ability to sleep normally taking its place; that you can actually get out of that traumatic loss of the symbol of life, liberty, and very expensive property with detachment; that you need to do what you need to do not someday, but NOW NOW and NOW, because you might not come out of the next car crash. And that God truly loves me and watches over me, and makes all things - even a potentially fatal accident (the airbags did not deploy) work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). I got out with just a split lip that hurt only when I laughed, a broken molar, and a greater sense of urgency to live life in this world in preparation for the next - in all its exceeding abundance!

And that's what in my space. What's in yours?

Tabula Rasa

...and oh so many colors to paint with. I figured that this new life should go with a new blog.

The old life and all its drama is now archived here.

Bring it on, the new life is beginning now, and now, and now, and now, and now...

God truly makes all things new :-)